Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
