if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
