Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
