he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
