Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
