nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
