Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
