Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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