STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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