I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
