If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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