My first STD was from a foam party
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
