stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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