words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
