But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My pussy is not your playground.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
