I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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