So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Girls should come with a carfax report
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
