Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I cut my penus on the lid.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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