I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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