wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
