Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
