My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
