There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
