Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
