would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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