I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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