I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
