i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
