Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
