I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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