ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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