I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ok first of all what the fuck
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
