I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
