i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
