Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
