apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
