I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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