When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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