they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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