I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
