drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
