Jerry, you need to find god
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I deserve this hangover.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
