Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
