I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
