she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
