Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
