She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
