Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
