I puked a lego.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
