I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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