why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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