He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
