If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Someone shattered a urinal.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
