Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
