Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
