shes about as inviting as chlamydia
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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