After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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